For Man, Pregnancy Is a Labor of Love.
Thomas Beatie transitioned from female to male nearly a decade ago, but he didn’t have his reproductive organs removed. So when it was discovered that his wife Nancy was unable to have children, Thomas decided that he would do so. But while the experience has brought the couple closer together, it has presented many unique challenges for them.
Our situation sparks legal, political, and social unknowns. We have only begun experiencing opposition from people who are upset by our situation. Doctors have discriminated against us, turning us away due to their religious beliefs. Health care professionals have refused to call me by a male pronoun or recognize Nancy as my wife. Receptionists have laughed at us. Friends and family have been unsupportive; most of Nancy’s family doesn’t even know I’m transgender.
This whole process, from trying to get pregnant to being pregnant, has been a challenge for us. The first doctor we approached was a reproductive endocrinologist. He was shocked by our situation and told me to shave my facial hair. After a $300 consultation, he reluctantly performed my initial checkups. He then required us to see the clinic’s psychologist to see if we were fit to bring a child into this world and consulted with the ethics board of his hospital. A few months and a couple thousand dollars later, he told us that he would no longer treat us, saying he and his staff felt uncomfortable working with “someone like me.”
…..
When I finally got pregnant for the first time, I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy with triplets. It was a life-threatening event that required surgical intervention, resulting in the loss of all embryos and my right fallopian tube. When my brother found out about my loss, he said, “It’s a good thing that happened. Who knows what kind of monster it would have been.”
“Someone like me”…”Who knows what kind of monster it would have been”. While I’m used to the bigotry of others I’m still taken aback at how hateful their words can be. Sadly some of them likely think they’re just good people espousing their “deeply held religious beliefs” and that they’re doing nothing wrong.
On successfully getting pregnant a second time, we are proud to announce that this pregnancy is free of complications and our baby girl has a clean bill of health. We are happily awaiting her birth, with an estimated due date of July 3, 2008.
How does it feel to be a pregnant man? Incredible. Despite the fact that my belly is growing with a new life inside me, I am stable and confident being the man that I am. In a technical sense I see myself as my own surrogate, though my gender identity as male is constant. To Nancy, I am her husband carrying our child — I am so lucky to have such a loving, supportive wife. I will be my daughter’s father, and Nancy will be her mother. We will be a family.
Outside the local medical community, people don’t know I’m five months’ pregnant. But our situation ultimately will ask everyone to embrace the gamut of human possibility and to define for themselves what is normal.
Of course the RRRW will be screeching about the notion of “redefining normal”. But from the first time that anybody adopted a child, blended families via re-marriage, utilized IVP or otherwise engaged in any form of “family building” other than plain old sex they were “redefining normal”. It’s only when people different from themselves try to build a family that the RRRW begins to have the vapors and wrings their hands about what is or is not “normal” in their very narrow viewpoint.
I think what Thomas Beatie is doing is wonderful and groundbreaking. I wish them and their daughter-to-be all the best.
Tags: Pregnant Man, Thomas Beatie
