Gay Teen Experimenting With Christianity.
It’s terrible when good kids go down the path of darkness like this.
LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He’s a member of his school’s swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Faber admitted to reporters Monday. “It’s like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I’m tempted to go behind my friends’ backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on.”
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According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.
“Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has,” Faber said. “We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we’re growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn’t think it meant anything.”
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“The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic,” the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. “I know it’s wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating.”
…..“I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer,” his mother, Eileen Faber, said. “I’m sure he’ll grow out of it, but even if he doesn’t, I will love and accept my son no matter what.”
Faber’s father was far less tolerant in his comments.
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He added, “I just want my normal gay son back.”
I love The Onion.
2 Responses to “Gay Teen Experimenting With Christianity.”
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January 13th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
i saw a book in a bookshop yesterday called “homocon: the rise of the new gay right”, or something similar.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
When I first started reading this I knew it had a parody piece and I knew the Onion New Net had to have a part in it.