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While Wayne Besen gets wired for sound, Kevin Nguyen asks the burning question: “When did you choose heterosexuality?” |
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Today was certainly an exciting and productive day. We gathered outside the Abundant Life Christian Fellowship in Mountain View, CA, at 11am with our signs and began our vigil. Originally our group numbered about 10 people and over time grew to approximately 22. Traffic on Leghorn St. was fairly constant so we got a good deal of attention and while some people showed obvious consternation over our presence many honked their horns in support.
Not long after our arrival some participants of Love Won Out began filing out of the church. One young woman approached our group and initiated a conversation. We discovered that she was lesbian and celibate. She explained while she wasn’t actively pursuing change she felt that celibacy was what made her feel most spiritually fulfilled. The more she spoke, however, I had to wonder–as did others in our group–if she was telling us this to convince us or herself.
Three brave attendees walk the gauntlet. We reassure them that contrary to what they’ve heard, Teh Gay isn’t really contagious.
At a later point a young man came by our group and became engaged in conversation with Wayne, David and a few others. He insisted that he was very pleased with what he was hearing in the symposium and was not hearing any of the negative things that are known to be said in such conferences. For example, he denied hearing that women become lesbians because they have been raped, or that men “turn” gay because they were molested or had poor relationships with their fathers. Despite his insistence that he was enjoying the symposium, however, I was pleasantly surprised to see him later at the panel discussion (details on that below). He’d apparently decided to skip the rest of the symposium and join us for some facts instead of propaganda.
During the vigil Wayne Besen conducted video interviews me Sapphocrat (my better half) and several of the other participants for Truth Wins Out. A reporter for the San Jose Mercury News also interviewed several individuals so look for a story about the event, likely in tomorrow’s edition. Finally, two women from In The Life stopped by for their own interviews so some of our group just may end up on their wonderful program!
“In the Life” interviews David Nahmod.
During the symposium’s lunch break two guys approached us at a brisk pace. While at first I thought they might be coming to confront us, it turned out they were there to comment on what was happening inside. They were from a gay Christian organization, one explained, and they were attending the symposium so they could expose what actually goes on inside. To our delight they’ll be blogging their experiences (they were taking copious notes) and putting up videos on YouTube as soon as possible.
At the ready to fend off Teh Gays. (Guess the boss is the one in the sharkskin suit.)
Shortly before 1pm we broke and moved on to the Billy DeFrank Center for the panel discussion on the “Ex-Gay” industry. The discussion was well attended with an audience of about 25. The panel consisted of, in alphabetical order:
Reverend Sky Anderson, Minister of Community Life, Metropolitan Community Church of San Jose.
Wayne Besen, Executive Director, Truth Wins Out.org.
Gloria Nieto, President, Silicon Valley LGBT Democratic Club.
Robert Elster, Ex-Gay Survivor.
Aejaie Sellers, Executive Director, Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center.
After introductions by Aejaie Sellers, Wayne Besen opened with a brief history of the Ex-Gay industry. The first Ex-Gay ministries began right here in San Rafael, California and at first the LGBT community didn’t pay them much attention because they weren’t seen as a significant threat. Then in 1998 things changed as the RRRW figured out that if they could convince people that being gay was a casual choice, “like what to have for dinner”, then they could push through anti-gay legislation. LGBTs then became the “cultural landing for the culture wars”. ( This handy timeline by Jeremy Townsley provides much more detail about the rise of the Ex-Gay industry. )
Left to right: Rev. Sky Anderson, Wayne Besen, Robert Elster, Aejaie Sellers
Robert Elster then took the floor and described his experiences as an Ex-Gay Survivor. He stated that “God called us to be homosexuals”. Robert participated in both Love in Action and Homosexuals Anonymous, two well-known Ex-Gay programs some 20 years ago. Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) was one of the more severe options suggested to Robert to eradicate his same-sex attractions. (Mind you this was well after homosexuality was removed from the DSM. ) During his time with the programs he was constantly assured that if he would only try to be straight he could be straight, and it was even implied that if he were to marry a woman that would make him straight. So out of desperation he married a woman thinking that would “cure” him. After several years and the birth of his two children he decided to stop deceiving himself, his wife and everybody else and admit the truth. He was still gay and always had been. Sadly it took a protracted legal battle for him to be allowed any contact with his children, for the usual prejudices against LGBT people were in play, and at the time of this post he’d just recently won his case.
Wayne commented that Robert’s story was typical of Ex-Gay Survivors. He then summarized the experience of being an Ex-Gay stating, “How can we be anything when we spend all of our time trying not to be something?” Wayne then offered the floor to Reverend Sky Anderson.
Rev. Sky stated that he is often contacted by churches that are supportive of the LGBT community and need advice on how to deal with the animosity they face from others for their support. Sadly doing the right thing often comes with a price tag attached. He went on to say that the Ex-Gay movement, particularly in its early stages, was reminiscent of the Briggs Initiative and Propositions A&B. Specifically that they started out quietly…”with a whisper”. He further stated that “seeing an Ex-Gay movement here opens old wounds”. He feels that it is “only the beginning of something that is going to be much bigger”.
Wayne observed that the Ex-Gay movement seems to be winding down. This is the second event he’s seen for which there were no billboards announcing it. Perhaps, he said, “the message isn’t resonating (with the general public) as much anymore and they’re just speaking to the choir”. Youth, in general, are not as responsive to the radical, anti-gay message as are older individuals. “For every one person converted are they turning off five others?”
Left to right: Gloria Nieto, Rev. Sky Anderson, Wayne Besen
Gloria Nieto then explained that the greatest force behind Ecumenicals (in politics) was Karl Rove. Now that he’s no longer there as their “architect” the GOP is rather without a rudder. “There is no roadmap for them right now.” The anti-gay movement in the Latino community went from Rove to “higher-profile evangelicals” such as Ruben Diaz who has one foot in the political camp and one in the religious. Gloria then asked the important question, “How do you know what is going on in Spanish-speaking communities if you don’t speak Spanish?”. One answer is Blabbeando, who monitors a variety of Spanish-language blogs.
Robert asked Wayne about the “statistics” (or lack thereof) provided by Joseph Nicolosi. Wayne replied that when pressed, Nicolosi replied that he “didn’t have time” to get the requested statistics (but that he sure had time to cash his clients’ checks). Then Wayne went on to say that NARTH/Exodus “experts” typically cover themselves by quoting one another for their vague statistics.
Aejaie then commented that Ex-Gay “therapy” is “more manipulative than therapeutic”. Wayne explained that they’re always looking for a reason for gayness. Lesbians were molested as children. Gay men were too close to their mothers or not close enough to their fathers. For transgender people it’s all of the above taken to the extreme. The “therapy” techniques range from the bizarre to the downright abusive. Women are given “makeup seminars” and discouraged from playing sports. Men are taken out to play touch football and have nude massages for non-sexual male bonding (!). Participants are encouraged to develop (non-sexual) friendships with straight people of the same gender under the premise that this will make them straight. Rev. Sky Anderson noted that some programs have utilized ECT and even electrodes on mens’ penises as means of attempting to rid them of same-sex desires.
Then Aejaie asked the panel members to suggest the top three things LGBT people can do to fight the Ex-Gay movement. Gloria Nieto said, “Keep talking to politicians. Tell the truth about who we are.” Reverend Anderson stated, “First, we’ve got a lot of work to do between the trans community and the gay community.” Then he added, “Stand with whoever is oppressed”.
Wayne feels there are three major areas we could be doing better.
1- Money; we’re “out-financed”
2- Outreach; Truth Wins Out has a staff of two and a small budget. By comparison Exodus International and Focus on the Family have dozens of staff and billions of dollars (particularly when you account for the more than 120 affiliate ministries of Exodus International). FotF is the #1 program in Zimbabwe, for example, which means they’re spreading their lies to a market we have no chance of even reaching yet. We’re sadly outmatched in this department.
3- “We could use a lawsuit against these guys”. Not against the ministries, because of course they’re protected under Freedom of Religion. But against the so-called “therapists” who inflict the damage on program participants. Even a few of these suits could begin the real downfall of the Ex-Gay industry.
Robert added his own list:
1- “Bloom where you’re planted.” , e.g., your own church– work from within whatever community you belong to
2 - Youth. Robert wants to pass own story to them so they will never become complacent
3 - We need to find peace & harmony w/in ourselves and stop beating up each other within our own community
Aejaie added, then, that we need to engage the entire community, not just the LGBT community, in our efforts to thwart the Ex-Gay industry. She then opened the floor to questions from the audience.
So that’s about it for now. I anticipate video and local stories being available soon and I’ll provide them when I can. Until then…
