The Gaytheist Agenda

I tend to find most television ads boring or downright annoying. But once in a while there’s a real winner among all of the dreck.

Hilarious and spot-on. Now for the warnings so you can’t say I didn’t provide them:

Warnings: Video contains crude humor and obscene language. It viciously lambastes religious people who think Bibles are a groovy gift idea for homeless, hungry disaster victims. It may even violate Godwin’s Law. Definitely NSFW. Do not view if you are if you are prone to having The Vapors.

Darlene McBride, musician and voice of the RRRW, presents her Greatest Hits Collection.

Like, we can’t allow homos on the moon. And you know that’s what they want, after they take over the Earth. (Hat tip, krissthesexyatheist.)

Here’s a hilarious video series I stumbled across on the Internutz. It involves the hilarious misadventures of two of America’s most outrageous anti-gay acivists, “Porno Pete” LaBarbera and Matt “Bam Bam” Barber. It’s not for the kiddies or the easily offended. So far Fritz has six episodes up and it appears he’s going to keep making them so the laughs will keep coming. For now here are three to whet your appetite.

Here’s some background for the two or three people who aren’t familiar with Pat Robertson’s idiotic, hateful comments about Haiti’s “pact with the devil” and how it caused their current woes. Now in this delightful letter, Satan responds to Robertson’s lunacy:

…..
Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan
…..

It’s terrible when good kids go down the path of darkness like this.

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He’s a member of his school’s swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Faber admitted to reporters Monday. “It’s like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I’m tempted to go behind my friends’ backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on.”

…..

According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

“Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has,” Faber said. “We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we’re growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn’t think it meant anything.”

…..

“The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic,” the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. “I know it’s wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating.”
…..

“I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer,” his mother, Eileen Faber, said. “I’m sure he’ll grow out of it, but even if he doesn’t, I will love and accept my son no matter what.”

Faber’s father was far less tolerant in his comments.

…..

He added, “I just want my normal gay son back.”

I love The Onion.

 

Silly atheists.

Members of the earth’s earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

“I do not understand,” reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. “A booming voice is saying, ‘Let there be light,’ but there is already light. It is saying, ‘Let the earth bring forth grass,’ but I am already standing on grass.”

“Everything is here already,” the pictograph continues. “We do not need more stars.”
…..
According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God’s most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

“These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant,” one Sumerian philosopher wrote. “They must be the creation of a complete idiot.

Yes, it’s satire. It just goes to show how much reality some people will ignore to persist in their beliefs.

 

Every so often I check out Fundies Say the Darndest Things. What I find there is both amusing and astounding. Yes, Virginia, people do still think like this in 2009. (Warning: Not edited for content, spelling, language, etc. Many of these comments are offensive. )

Quote# 68841

An test prohibiting atheists in public office is no more discriminatory than the clauses restricting the Presidency to natural born citizens, restricting other offices only to citizens of the country, or clauses establishing ages well above that of legal majority to attain to high office. The people have determined that they wish to be served in public office by citizens with enough age to have matured to some wisdom. A related qualification stating that such public servants must believe in God differs little in substance, since in essence it is a qualification requiring people to have a rational view of the reality of creation and divine governance of the affairs of mankind, and a future state of rewards and punishments for all men. In this sense, it is like requiring a oath upon taking office or providing testimony in Court. An atheist is obviously incapable of taking such an oath since they cannot make such a promise to a deity they do not believe in.

Furthermore, serving in public office is not a right, but a privilege. As a privilege, it is very rationally subjected to reasonable qualifcations.

Scripture tells us atheists are fools. Can a free people not deny public office to fools?

Heliand, Free Republic

Quote# 68798

Look, one way or another, you’re all wicked and filthy. Squatting around in full lotus position is a display of depravity and self-centeredness. Christ did not preach “end suffering.” Suffering is GOOD. It leads people to God. If everyone were Buddhists, concerned with worldly things, concerned with ending suffering, then this world would be of Satan. Suffering is necessary to bring God’s elect into the gates of heaven.

As for the rest of you, I hope you; Jews, Atheists, Catholics, Lutherans, Buddhists, Jains, Hindus…

Enjoy the flames!

God Bless.

MessianicServant , Fstdt

Quote# 68799

I wish God would send me back in time so that I could drown Buddha in the Genghis River. It’d be worth it, because it would prevent him from misleading so many people into atheism.

MessianicServant, Fstdt

Quote# 68795

[In response to the new anti gay bill in Uganda]

It’s a sad state of affairs, when African legislators have more common sense than the West.

I hope this law goes worldwide.

Toby T, Y!A

Quote# 68766

Regardless of what the media may say, Focus on the Family has no interest in promoting hatred toward homosexuals or any other group of our fellow human beings. We have not supported, and will never support, legislation aimed at depriving them of their basic constitutional rights — rights they share with every citizen.

[Later in the very same post…]

The effort to redefine the family, qualify for adoption, promote the homosexual lifestyle in the schools, etc., are objectives with which I disagree. And I will oppose them when the issues are raised. Does that make me a hatemonger? I think not.

Concerning the passage of Amendment 2 here in Colorado (which would have prohibited ordinances and legislation creating “special rights” for homosexuals, equating them with those needing civil rights protection), let me explain why we strongly favored that legislation. To understand our position, you must know that many Christians also feel they have been victimized by society’s hostility to traditional religious views.

…

How would you and your homosexual companions feel if we, as Christians, began lobbying for special, protected legal status? How would you react if we asserted that we should be given a job and shielded from termination just because we are Christians? I can predict that you would fight such ordinances tooth and nail. Why?

James Dobson, Focus on the Family

Quote# 68747

[Hate mail to Richard Dawkins]

From John Doe:

Dawkins, you and your atheist friends cannot win. America WILL become a Christian Republic even if we have to write a whole new constitution. Millions of us are dedicated to this righteous cause. We will suceed. And then we will invade godless countries like “Great” Britain and kill all of your heathens. First we need to take care of things at home and in the Middle East but we will get around to Europe. You Godless freaks will die but then you will roast in hell for infinite time. Goodbye you loser.

“John Doe”, RichardDawkins.net

Quote# 68721

Christmas is Christian - if you are not prepared to respect it then ruddy well get lost and have the guts to invent your own festivity. And please don’t come the pc garbage about Christians turning the other cheek. How very convenient for you! Christians have always been for righteousness and justice. So keep pushing pc brigage, keep pushing - but just remember, what goes around comes around. And your immoral filth will not go unnoticed. And you can read that anyway you like. It’s time for a counter revolution: BRING BACK MORALITY (that’s right, the dreaded ‘M’ word) TO ENGLAND!!! We Christians made this country. We made Europe. We gave you civlisation and you puke all over it. And you know what you can do with your cowardly snide comments about Christian hypocrisy and all the rest of it. At least we believe in something. The snide merchants? Total nihilists without either the guts or the brass to stand up for what they really want: narcisistic anarchy. What a bunch of wimps!!

John, Halton, Daily Mail

Quote# 68714

[Gays] mock but they are jealous! Keep that in mind. We, the heteros can have babies….they can only molest them. If ever a “gay gene” was found….well then…kiss those babies good-bye…hello Dr. Tiller! Those babies would be aborted so fast it would make your head spin.

Morgana, Free Republic

Quote# 68599

((A thread about boycotting Jewish stores during Christmas))

Exactly. If the jew has to tell you “Merry Christmas” to close the deal, they will say it. In fact the Talmud openly encourages such deceptive behavior.

This was the same behavior they exhibited in Inquisition-era Spain when they would publically go to Catholic Mass but continue to sacrifice Christian children during Passover for their matzo recipes and other satanic uses.

Caicus, Stormfront

Quote# 68580

god did not make you gay dumbass, he made you in his image, the devil made you gay which made me sin cause i have hate in my heart for fags
and the bible says no gays will be in heaven
and the bable says gays should die

uhh, Topix

Quote# 68476

No skeptic, to my knowledge, ever made a major scientific discovery or advanced the welfare of others. Typically they sit by the side of the road with a sign that reads “You’re Wrong” so that every passerby, whether an Einstein, Gandhi, Newton, or Darwin, can gain the benefit of their illuminated skepticism.

Deepak Chopra, Huffington Post

Quote# 68434

Very offended by the recent advertisement. How dare they suggest we celebrate what we want? This is a Christian nation.

Anonymous, Stand For Christmas’ GAP comments

Quote# 68433

It should be merry CHRISTMAS or nothing else.. if other holidays are that important get a date for them and celebrate them on their special date. I dont like to see Christmas watered down with throwing in every other celebration in the world, how would people like it if we started taking over their celebrations and calling them something else! Ha then we would really hear screams and protests!

Nancy Bell, One Million Moms on Facebook